Join the founders of Coriaria as they discuss “Why is it important to counsel with your spouse on a regular basis” on our podcast “The intentional family moment.”
Welcome to the Intentional Family Moment
. Take a moment with us as we discuss our thoughts on your family questions, then join us in our weekly challenge as we work together to be more intentional in our families.
This is episode 2 hosted by married Coriaria founders Brent and Michelle. This episode is sponsored by Everflect: Your couple’s council assistant. Check out Everflect.com to learn more.
Today’s question is: why is it important to counsel with your spouse on a regular basis?
I think that it might be good to start with what it even means to counsel with your spouse.
Counseling with your spouse has everything to do with reviewing the state of everything that’s going on with your family and with your marriage. It’s a time to sit down and chat about where we’re at and how things have been going and what goals we might have moving forward and to talk about challenges or conflicts, and to otherwise provide a platform for having a consistent conversation about some of the most important things that a couple needs to discuss.
That’s a great question. I think that every couple is going to want to come up with the routine that works best for them. For us, we do a weekly couple’s council. We start out with a prayer and we have a conversation on a fixed set of topics that we cover every week. We extend it with different things based on what might be going on in a given week. Some of those points include talking about previous goals that we’ve set and reviewing our progress on those, setting new goals. We talk about the strength of our relationship, we talk about any points of conflict that we might have and then we work through whatever needs to happen in order to resolve those conflicts. I think that sometimes we might have conversations about conflicts that we can’t resolve in the time we spend on a couples council.
As a sidenote on that, a couple’s council might sound really formal and intimidating, and it’s something that you can reasonably do in a handful of minutes ranging up to fifteen or more minutes. It’s not something that has to be really long every time.
We talk about praise that we share with each other, and we offer each other suggestions on how we can improve. That’s the basis we have for things.
All of that is inside of our Everflect app
. It’s designed to walk through each one of those questions, but you don’t have to have an app in order to do a couple’s council.
A few other things we talk about include the calendar, we talk about meals for the week, finances, family members, opportunities for service, date night, and other things that we value to have that consistency every week with our family.
For us that means weekly, so we go over things that are happening in our week. To answer the question “Why is it important to counsel on a regular basis?” – when you counsel on a regular basis, you’re not just counseling in crisis mode. You’re talking about the good things that are happening. It becomes a habit. You know you have that space to talk when you need to, and you know you have that space to talk to make sure you’re on the same page. As long as you’re doing it regularly, you don’t have to suddenly be doing a couple’s council when you’re in that high emotion or crisis mode, and I think that’s why it’s important to do it regularly instead of on occasion.
I think that the consistency is a huge part of succeeding with a couple’s council. To reiterate what you’re saying on that front, I can’t imaging trying to have a couple’s council when we feel like we need it versus making it a habit or a ritual that we go through on a consistent basis. There is a lot of power in having that consistency.
What are some of the benefits that you’ve seen and some of the good things that have come from counseling as a couple?
In a general sense it keeps us on the same page. We are on the same page not only on the calendar, but also emotionally and with whatever things we need to talk about. There are a lot of things that go on during the week. Whether it’s work or kids or all of those things that get us a little bit off. Coming back to the same page every week is really nice, because we are able to progress from that page together and move forward.
I think that sums it up quite well as far as the core benefit of the consistency and being aligned on the same page on a regular basis. It gives us that opportunity for alignment.
As far as the challenge this week is concerned, we challenge everyone who listens to this podcast to a regular couple’s council. Take time to set aside a consistent moment every week. It doesn’t have to be the same time, but the same day is wise to establish that pattern. Then tell us how it goes! Tell us how it goes after a week or two or several weeks of trying to keep that commitment on a regular basis, and let us know what benefits come from trying to keep that.
If you go to Everflect.com
we have more materials on how to conduct a Couple’s council, including our free apps for iOS and Android
that you can use. They are totally free to use and download. They will walk you through every step of the process of completing a couple’s council.
To check out the resources for doing a couple council referred to in this episodes go to Everflect.com
If you have a question you would like us to discuss in a future episode, submit them here.